Carnival of MS Bloggers #87

Welcome to the Carnival of MS Bloggers, a bi-weekly compendium of thoughts and experiences shared by those living with multiple sclerosis.

cycles in life and hope

In the span of life

It's the middle that matters

By Mary K. Mennenga

Learning your capable of doing something doesn't mean you should

Time teaches us we aren't as smart as we thought

When we become willing to admit this, that's when growth begins

We no longer need to be told what someone else thinks

The answer to our question is

We begin to seek out the answers for ourselves

To the questions that the answers bring to mind

Creating even more answers that need questioning

As we begin to make decisions about what we believe the truth is

Who we are and what's important to us and why

We learn that each choice we make will change

What choices and options are available to us

It becomes a lifelong cycle of questions, answers

Learning and personal growth making decisions and choices

It's a kind of learning that you learn as you go

So don't judge yourself too harshly

This never-ending cycle helps you become

The person you know you want to be

It's a journey that no matter what you do

Still takes a lifetime to finish

Well coordinated
by Toots of Maybe MS Truth

Today (now yesterday) my masseuse commented that my knickers matched my walking stick. Let me explain.

• a) I have had regular massages since suffering a work related shoulder injury many years ago. I wrenched something. It hurt. A lot.
• b) Unusually for me, these particular knickers are patterned with red cherries.
• c) I own a variety of patterned walking sticks. This is one of two recent bargain buys from Timpsons. It is bizarre how excited I now get about buying new walking sticks. Who’d have thought someone my age would get so much pleasure from a pretty stick! Not a euphemism.

I often coordinate the colours of my clothing and, to a certain extent, accessories – earrings, bags, walking sticks. This probably makes me sound far more fashion conscious than I could ever pretend to be.

Loss of coordination was one of the first symptoms to affect me when I suffered the MS relapse that led to my diagnosis. I don’t remember what I was wearing when I went into hospital (in an ambulance) but I bet it wasn’t in any way coordinated. I do remember I couldn’t write properly with my left hand. I am left hand dominant. Left-handed to you and me.

I had also started dropping things. I was already using a stick due to footdrop, balance and coordination difficulties when walking - and when standing or bending down. Sitting seemed to be ok but that doesn’t take a huge amount of coordination.

None of this is unusual for someone with MS but when you don’t know you have MS and these difficulties are accompanied by visual disturbances, extreme tiredness (fatigue), strange numbness/tingling in limbs and crushing pain round your midriff then the loss of coordination is disturbing. It was the midriff pain that landed me in hospital, It moved up to my chest and the out of hours doctor told me I had to phone 999. Best thing I did. Once in hospital I had the raft of tests that led to my diagnosis.

On diagnosis, I was told by the hospital MS Specialist Nurse that the crushing midriff pain, which felt like a far-too-tight twisting belt, is known as the MS Hug. I think of a hug as a pleasant thing. This wasn’t, and still isn’t, at all pleasant.

One of the problems with all my symptoms is that they didn’t/don’t feel coordinated. To a lay person like me, it’s like having a whole jumble of stuff wrong. So yesterday it was good to be told that one part of me was coordinated. My knickers matched my walking stick. I was well coordinated. Very important, I feel, to look your best... in case you get run over by a bus.

Taken off of Tysabri

by Maryann of MS and ME

These are my two grandsons, Alex (8) and Albert (12). They came, along with their parents, for a visit in March. We had a wonderful time with them. Behind them in the picture is the Roanoke River. We were all walking on the Greenways, a very nice asphalt walkway that goes through Salem and Roanoke.

I had MRI scans of my brain, cervical spine, and thoracic spine taken with and without contrast. Following that, I had a visit with my MS specialist neurologist last week. He said there were no changes since my last MRI. However, in a blood test taken the first of March, I tested positive for the virus that causes PML in people who are on Tysabri. Dr. S told me to discontinue my T infusions for now, but to not have my port removed.

Because of my tiredness, sleepiness and fatigue, he is weaning me off of the Flexeril and Baclofen that I had been taking. If my muscle spasms come back and are too painful, I am to start taking the meds again.

He did a lumbar puncture, which was my second in 20 years. There was a problem gaining entry, and they ended up having me sitting on the exam table, with my arms extended over a walker, and my chin tucked into my chest. That opened the area up and the LP was done. I also had to go to the lab, carrying the fluid from my spine, and have blood drawn.

I will also have a sleep study done because I am overweight and I snore. Then, I will also begin Physical Therapy.

That's an awful lot of stuff. Dr. S seems to think I have another disease along with my MS. He mentioned Primary Progressive MS, and he also mentioned Parkinson's Disease. I hope I'm negative for both of those!

We're going to Margate, NJ to celebrate Passover with Arnie's family. Along the way, we are stopping in Philadelphia to visit a friend I met on Facebook. I am so looking forward to seeing Rita in person, along with her little dog Jake. Can't wait to see the family and be with them for the Seder. This will be a pleasant trip for all of us.

My Shoes. . .

by Jodi Bean

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the other one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have work the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has MS.

Author Unknown

I changed the last line of this poem to "who has MS." It was written for another use but rings so true for people living with MS. As a social worker and as a person I try not to be judgmental or to make assumptions about people. I often say to myself and/or co-workers "until I've walked a day in her shoes I'm not going to judge/assume." I think it is a good motto to live by.

I don't know what it is like to live someone else's life. Life is different for everyone. Everyone's journey is different. I walk in my shoes on my journey which has been shaped by MS. I can honestly say that it has greatly impacted everything I do and every decision I now make. But my journey is not a sad journey or an angry journey or even a depressing journey. Yes there are bad days and my future health is unknown. But there are also a lot of good days, great days, happy days, time with family, vacations, time with friends, dinners out, sunny days, good books, funny reality tv shows, laughs, drinks, memories, support, love and HOPE.

My journey is filled with hope. Hope that one day I won't walk my journey in shoes with MS. I hope that one day there will be a cure. I hope that I will continue to be strong and happy and motivated. I hope I will never give up the fight against MS.



This concludes the 87th edition of the Carnival.

The next Carnival of MS Bloggers will be hosted here on May 19, 2011. Please remember to submit a post (via email) from your blog of which you are particularly proud, or which you simply want to share, by noon on Tuesday, May 17, 2011.

Thank you.

Comments for this post.

Carnival of MS Bloggers #43

Welcome to the Carnival of MS Bloggers, a bi-weekly compendium of thoughts and experiences shared by those living with multiple sclerosis.

Yoga, Tysabri, and Insurance

For My Students: Yoga Invocation 
by Nadja

When I teach yoga I like to give freely of myself, to nurture my students and to help bring them closer to their true selves.

Nevertheless, I get as much out of my teaching as they do. Teaching yoga gives me a home, a place of sanity to stand when all I want to do is howl at the moon. It reminds me to breath. It reminds me of my favorite prayer by Saint Francis of Assisi:

"Lord make me an instrument of thy peace
Where there is hatred, let there be love
Where there there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope
Where there is darkness, light.
Oh divine master--
Grant that I might not so much seek to be consoled, as to console
To be understood, as to understand
To be loved, as to love
For it is in giving that we receive,
And it is in death to self
That we are born to eternal life."
Amen.

My heart is filled with gratitude for the things I receive from teaching yoga. I bow to my students. I bow to the teacher in all things. I prostrate myself to the divine with the faith that I will find a way no matter what.

Let yoga be your candle in the dark.
Let it lift you and fill you.
Let it in inspire you
Take what you discover on your mat into the world
And create peace, love and harmony.

Tysabri and Little Pieces of My Life
by Azoyizes

At my last neuro appointment, he and I had a talk about how my MS is getting worse and how he and I believe my current therapy (then), Betaseron, just wasn't helping. I told him that I wanted to start Tysabri infusions and he agreed.

Problem is, I have Medicare but no supplemental insurance. The Infusion Center figured that my co-pay would be $575 every four weeks. There is no way in hell that we can afford that kind of money, I don't care how good the drug works.

I contacted TOUCH, and they put me in touch with NORD. I got paperwork from NORD yesterday, and we'll get it filled out and make copies of our financial records, hoping that they will cover my co-pay.

If I do get to go on Tysabri infusions, it will be wonderful. I honestly believe that this drug can help me.

If I don't, I'm not going to get depressed or sad. I will just continue on with my life, deteriorating toward who knows what. I will be DMD-free, anyway.

In other news, I was invited to join a book club--my first ever. Our first book was Travels With Charlie by John Steinbeck. Loved it. We meet every other month at a nice little restaurant that is closed for lunch during the summer, except for the book club. We have great food, good discussions, and lots of laughter. Three of the women in the club (including me) have Saint Francis service dogs. The woman who started the club is also the woman who co-founded Saint Francis. There are 10 of us, and everyone is nice and friendly. Our next book (just started reading it today) is The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. Think I may have read it in high school, 40+ years ago!!

I have also volunteered and been accepted to be on the Outreach/Screening Committee for Saint Francis. Eventually, I will be calling people who have applied for a service dog, asking them questions and talking to them about the responsibilities and hard work that goes into training with your dog. I will sit in on interviews of people who have passed the screening, and I'll have imput into whether or not I believe they would be a good candidate for a dog.

These two things are giving me something to do outside of the house, and also giving me a sense of accomplishment.

Next Saturday is my 40th high school reunion. I am very excited about it. This is the first one I've ever attended. There are a group of us who have kept in touch through the years who are all going to sit at the same table. Next morning, this same group is meeting for lunch and talk. There are so far 45 graduates (plus spouses) who have signed up to come. My class had about 125 people in it, so that's not a bad turnout.

Getting Squeezed
by Lisa of Brass and Ivory

This week I received the annual note from Carefirst BCBS, my insurance company, informing me what my new health insurance premium rate will be for the upcoming 12 months. Of course, I expected that it would go up, no matter how I wished it wouldn't.

What I didn't expect was HOW MUCH it was going up!! 31% increase

OK, so it's not the first time the rate has gone up substantially -
In 2003, it was 22.2%. In 2004, 18.2%. In 2007, 19.9%. In 2008, 18.8%.
(see graph below)

But COME ON. Enough is enough. another 31%?

For insurance which doesn't pay for my MS medications, I will be paying $5172?

That's just for me, no one else, and is not subsidized by any employer since I am self-employed. And unlike most folks who have employer-sponsored health insurance, I will be paying Social Security, FICA, etc taxes on that $5172.

Why doesn't Carefirst cover my main MS medication, Copaxone?

• Because the drug benefit for individual policies is capped at $1500 annually.

How do I get Copaxone if insurance doesn't cover it?

• I have to qualify for assistance from NORD which administers the PAP.

How do I do that?

• I must earn less than 200% Federal Poverty Level (FPL) and can't have significant amounts of money in savings.

How much is 200% FPL?

• This year (2009), it is an Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) of $21,660.

For more on this story, see The Value of Money or Value of Health: What Do You See?

Now, to be fair, the $5172 in insurance premiums will not be 24% of my 'total income.'

Since I'm self-employed, I get to deduct the amount spent on health insurance premiums before income taxes are calculated. So it's a minimum of 19.3%, after Social Security/FICA tax is accounted for and before the AGI is calculated.

But, please tell me. Who can afford to spend 19-24% of the highest level of income they can afford (or are allowed) to earn for health insurance premiums?

And let's just say that for 2008 I did earn considerably less than 200%. In fact, $5172 really would be closer to, if not more than, 25% of total income.

According to proposed health care reform legislation, affordable premium rates for someone with my income level would be closer to 5% of income AND I would very likely have coverage for my medical needs, including pharmaceuticals.

A few weeks ago, I sat down and calculated what medical expenses were included during one year in obtaining the routine care I require. That detail can be read at Living with Multiple Sclerosis: The Cost of Chronic Illness.

Update: Now it looks like the Public Option just might get dropped during negotiations in Congress. sigh.


This concludes the 43rd edition of the Carnival.

The next Carnival of MS Bloggers will be hosted here on September 10, 2009. Please remember to submit a post (via email) from your blog of which you are particularly proud, or which you simply want to share, by noon on Tuesday, September 8, 2009.

Thank you.

Comments for this post.